Caught Off Guard

Since the beginning of the year I've been going through this personal struggle of

"Who do I choose? Brandon or Carlos?"

Carlos has put me through a personal hell and I'm not quite sure why he is so important to me anymore. We don't talk as much as we used to and I'm actually OK with that.

Brandon and I have been talking a lot lately about our plans of when I get to Atlanta and I'm really getting excited.

To be honest, Carlos really hasn't been on my mind much these last few weeks. About 2 weeks ago he contacted me asking if I would lend him $300. I told him I didn't have the money and that was the last I heard from him....until today.

Ya see....I've been leaning more towards Brandon since he is actually taking some action towards getting with me. It really surprised me when he asked if I would fly to Atlanta to spend a weekend with him. To me that is some serious stuff cause I don't think he would have suggested it and offered to PAY if he wasn't interested.

What has Carlos done for me?

He broke up with me because he didn't want to have a long distance relationship. Then he contacts me periodically through the year to tell me that he misses me and hasn't been with anyone since we broke up and yahdah yahdah yahdah!!

*So I'm working on some algebra when I get a text that startled me from my deep algebraic thought. It was a text from Carlos, "I miss you"

I haven't heard from him since I declined to give him money. I even tried communicating with him via text just last week and he never responded...twice. So I was caught a little off guard when I got a text from him stating that he missed me.

Now usually when I get a text like that from him I respond with, "I miss you too" and wrought like that. I wasn't feeling it today though. He avoided me and never texted me back last week when I tried. He then got sad and texted, "....I said I missed you and you didn't care...You must have a man."

Really? I mean Really?

He's not my boyfriend anymore and HE broke up with me. It's none of his business if I'm with someone else.

Needless to say I didn't tell him anything about Brandon....and I don't plan on it.

I told him that I'll always care about him and have his best wishes at heart. He was happy with that and ended his text with, "thinking of you."

I mean, that's sweet and all but it seems like he has a turn on/off switch. One minute he misses me and wants me back and then I don't hear from him for weeks on end.

I can't wait for this Atlanta trip and it can't come soon enough. I'm really anxious to see if Brandon and I have some chemistry left over from 7 and half years ago.

I'm getting sick of this drama!*