Coincidence

Several years ago before I moved to Utah, I started to fall for a boy that I worked with. I was right out of high school and working as a cashier at Office Depot. The boy, John Doe (since I want his identity to remain private), introduced himself to me and we became friends almost instantly. He was 4 years older than me but that didn't seem to matter. He was in a relationship at the time and I was dating someone myself. Through time we both grew to be extremely interested in each other. We were both dumped about the same time but we moved very slowly into a relationship. Around this time, my parents were trying to convince me to move to Utah so I could have more dating experiences with Mormon boys. I finally agreed to move and turned in my two weeks at Office Depot. I really liked John and I was really sad to leave him. Our last night together was magical and I will remember it for the rest of my life. However, he didn't handle my move very well. I feel as though he took it personally and felt like I was moving to get away from him. He never said good bye to me and we lost all communication between each other. He was the only person that I thought about on my plane trip to Utah. I looked out the window on the plane and relived my last night with John over and over. I grew to realize that I had fallen for him. I had to let him go so I could move on with my life. And so I started dating other guys when I got to Utah and a year later was married. I still had my moments when I would think about John and wonder how he was doing and what he was up to. I missed him as a person but would banish him from my thoughts. When I joined facebook about 2 years ago, John was the first person that I looked up. I had no success but I was okay with that. I figured he wouldn't remember me anyway. I looked for him again after my divorce but failed yet again. I started a new relationship with Carlos and became very happy. I loved Carlos more than I had ever loved anyone before. Sometime back in October, November OR December, I had a dream about John. It was a weird dream but I was reminded of him yet again. When things started to go bad in my relationship with Carlos, I decided to look up John on facebook again. After looking at about 500 results, I decided to give up. I continued to dream about John and wonder.

On Friday February 5, 2010, I started my long drive to Texas. My father and I arrived in Albuquerque late that night and I decided to check facebook. I saw that I had a friend request and so I clicked on it. Guess who was requesting my friendship?

JOHN DOE!!!!!!

I couldn't believe it. I actually thought I was dreaming and that the long drive had made me delirious or something. When we got to the motel and were ready for bed, I went back on facebook and sent him a message. We have spent the past week and a half catching up on things but I was discouraged to find out that he wasn't living in Texas anymore and also that he has a girlfriend. I wanted more than anything to tell him how I felt about him, but it would have been highly inappropriate to tell him with his relationship status. So I decided to keep my feelings to myself and enjoy the friendship that we did have.

I woke up this morning to find a message from him explaining that he still had feelings for me after all these years. We spent the whole day expressing our feelings for each other and reminiscing on the past. I haven't been this happy in a few months. He told me that he wants to keep having chats like this more often.

I'm not saying that anything is going to come of this, especially since he lives out of state and has a girlfriend, but at least I was able to express to him my true feelings. In return, he was able to get similar things off his chest.

I'm remembering back to a post I made in January about how my life is in some ways like the book New Moon. I wanted more than anything for John to be my Jacob Black. Now I think that our friendship will really help me through my trials. I'm so grateful to have him in my life again and I never want us to fall apart again either. Who knows....maybe something will happen. I just don't want to be the cause of a breakup. I'm sure I will keep it posted if anything does happen.