Kristin Williams: In Remembrance

2 weeks ago today we made the decision to put our baby, Foof, to sleep. It's been a rough and pretty emotional few weeks for me, but I finally feel well enough to post about her passing. I miss her terribly but I know she is in a better place and that she is no longer feeling pain. We don't know for sure what was ailing Foof, but the vet was almost positive that she had cancer in her ear. Sometime either late summer or early fall 2012, the inside of Foof's left ear started to smell really bad. We also noticed that the inside of that ear had several black scab looking stuff. My mom literally refused to take Foof to the vet to find out what was causing the smell and scabs. About once a month Foof would be more antisocial than usual, and she'd scratch at her ear mercilessly. We just figured that she was experiencing some sort of ear infection. She would snap out of her indisposition and act her normal loving self after a few days. Every time she got sick, my mom would tell me that Foof was just getting old, after all she was almost 13 years old.

I took some vacation time in mid January, and sadly near the end of my vacation she started to decline. A few days before I went back to work, Foof really started to act funny. She couldn't seem to sit still anymore. It appeared that something was scaring her and we didn't know what. She stopped eating and drinking COMPLETELY, which resulted in no messes to clean in the liter boxes. Normally Foof would sleep on my bed with me all night, but one day she kept leaving my room and she couldn't seem to get comfortable. Eventually see started hiding under the couch, which she had NEVER EVER done before. Nothing brought her comfort anymore, not even her most favorite thing in the whole wide world.....ME!! We were all extremely worried about her and she slowing became a bag of bones. After a week had gone by and she hadn't consumed any food or drink, we took her to the vet. After spending over $300 in tests at the vet, they couldn't find anything wrong with her. The vet told us that the smell was dead tissue in her ear, but we had no cause of it after several tests. The doctor told us that cats have really good immune systems and they usually can fight illnesses alone and bounce right back, which is what Foof was doing all along. He also said that cats are bad at letting their owners know they are sick until it's too late. Mom refused to spend more money to find out what was ailing baby Foof, so the vet gave us 2 antibiotics for her ear to see if she improved. I bought Foof some cat treats and some canned cat food to see if she would eat something other than her dry cat food. Fortunately she loved both and she started eating and pooping again. However, she wouldn't leave from under the couch and we ended up putting her food under the couch so she would eat. The antibiotics helped, but her behavior never improved. She wasn't my same baby that followed me around the house 24/7. She wasn't my same baby that wanted to be with me all the time. Nothing brought her comfort anymore. Near the end she would let us hold her in our arms for long periods of time, which she NEVER allowed when she was healthy since she hated being held like a baby. I would sing and hum church hymns when I held her, and I actually believe that my singing brought her comfort. She would let me hold her longer when I sang to her. She would even rest her head against my chest and wrap her arm and paw around my stomach. I like to believe that she loved my singing and that I comforted her, even if it was just a little. Even though she was eating a little more, she still became very weak and I actually witnessed her fall down the stairs from feebleness. It broke my heart to see my precious baby so ill and I know that we made the right decision in having her put down. I miss her everyday, and I cry almost everyday when I realize that she isn't at home anymore. My mom gave me a stuffed siamese cat 2 days ago, and I hate to admit it, but I sleep with it under my arm every night (I never slept with a stuffed animal even as a kid). Ridiculous as it may sound, that stuffed animal brings me comfort and I promise that I won't sleep with it forever.