Worthless

I've always thought that I was a good person but lately I feel like I'm a worthless piece of crap! I've always been a perfectionist and I've always been my worst critic. I was that girl in school that people always came to to copy my homework! I always did my homework and I always studied for tests. My papers were always a masterpiece and my grades always reflected my hard work. When it came to my household chores I always did them when my parents asked and I made sure that it was done right the first time so that I didn't have to do it again. I practiced my music in my room so that I was perfect for the concerts AND I practiced extra hard in ballet rehearsals so that I would be the shining star on stage! I've always brought my hard work to my jobs as well. I'm not the type of person that wants to get paid for nothing. I always do what my manager asks of me. I do EVERYTHING that I'm supposed to do and then some. For some reason Macy's is completely blind and they don't see the things that I do for them. Ever since we got our new store manager I always seem to get in trouble. Our old manager loved me and I got so many awards and lots of recognition. No one seems to care that I bust my butt for that company. Ever since I got my DML (third write up mentioned in some previous posts) I have worked EXTRA hard to make an impression on management. I've tried to prove that I'm a great employee and that I take my job seriously. My sales have improved and I've been working really hard to increase my loyalty (credit apps) as well.

Today the store manager called me into his office for a little chat. I was freaking out cause I thought they were going to fire me for something stupid. I sat down and the first thing he said was that I wasn't in trouble and I didn't need to worry about that. He mentioned that he heard that I received a DML and that I chose to come back and work on my mistakes. He also told me that he has heard great things about me since I've been back. But then he had to go into my history. He told me that when he started out as our store manager I was one of the best employees. He told me that my sales were great and that he personally saw me as a strong sales associate. Then he mentioned that since I've been in shoes my sales have dropped and the sales in the shoe department all together have dropped drastically. He suggested that maybe I'm miss suited for the shoe department and that I should probably go back to working in the clothing. I told him that I liked working in shoes and I that I didn't want to work in clothing again. He told me that they really needed the sales in shoes to improve and that they needed their best employees in shoes. I asked him if I was the reason that shoes was doing bad since that was what I was getting from the conversation. He told me that it wasn't because of any certain individual but that my sales reflected that I wasn't helping!! This really hurt me. I felt like I was being stabbed in the heart over and over again with a sharp knife. You may be thinking, "This doesn't sound all that bad! Why is she feeling so hurt?" I couldn't possibly answer this question without going back to a year ago when we got our new store manager. I couldn't even answer it without writing a whole novel. But I can say that Nic Delgado (the store manager) is a Homosexual, Sexist Bastard! Since he has been our manager, ONLY male employees get hired above the standard starting wage. ONLY male employees get invited to go to lunch with him. ONLY male employees get recognition for their hard work and most of the male employees are homosexual. There are about 12 male associates (that I can think of) and 6 of the ones I can think of are gay. I don't have any problems with homosexuals since I have a very close relative that is gay but I have never worked with so many gay people before. Before I mentioned that Nic was homo but he actually is married to a woman with 7 children. But most of us woman at Macy's think he is a homosexual hiding from his real sexual preference. We just had two management positions open up that Nic filled with men!!! My real problem is that the application states that you must work with the company at least six months before you can be hired as management. Neither one of these men have been with the company that long. In fact one of them has only been with the company a month...maybe two. I know of some really well qualified woman that applied and were denied because they have breasts instead of nuts!

Back to my woes: I have been suspicious of the fact that Nic is trying to replace me for a man for a couple of months now! I first got the impression back in March when my homosexual co-worked was invited to a shoe meeting and I wasn't! My co-worker texted me later that night and warned me that Nic wanted to get me out of shoes. He told me that if I wanted to keep my job I needed to start doing more work in the stockroom. I immediately started doing more stockroom work but that didn't seem to impress Nic. Then I started getting written up for the lamest reasons in the world until they finally issued my DML. (Let me just say that I have been with Macy's 2 years now and I didn't get a single write up my first year. In fact I didn't get a write up until Nic came around)!! It became very obvious today that Nic's real intentions are to get me out of his store so he can hire a whole male store. I feel like I will amount to nothing in this world and that nothing I do will EVER be good enough!! I guess I truly am a worthless piece of crap!!!